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My Perfect Record Is Gone

Well, my perfect record is gone and my brother won.  I’m not sure which one hurts worse.  Ok, hearing my brother declare his perfect record hurt worst.  Sibling rivalry is alive and well.

So what record is gone?  My perfect driving record – gone!  I have been driving for many, many years.  Let’s just say that when I started driving having an FM radio in your care was an upgrade.  And power windows, only really expensive cars had those!  Yeah, I’m THAT old! 

Not to say that I am a perfect driver, I just haven’t received any tickets or as my brother calls them, moving violations.  But that changed on Sunday, July 12.  Ok, let me clarify just a bit.  I have been pulled over twice.  The first time I was speeding to get home because my house had been broken into.  When the state trooper pulled me over, I started crying, told him the story and he let me go.  Yeah, I was that woman.  The second time was about 6 years ago.  I came to a stop sign and rolled through instead of stopping.  Of course a police officer witnessed it, but he was nice and let me keep my perfect record.

Now my perfect record is gone, and I was devastated.   I couldn’t figure out why getting a ticket was bothering me so much.  I had plenty of time to think on the  long, slow drive home.  I thought about it off and on all night long.  Was it that my brother was going to win?  Was it the possible raise in my insurance?  What was bothering me?

In the morning, it came to me.  It was the public notice that I wasn’t “perfect”.  It was official notification that I messed up.  A ticket is such a minor thing!  But if this can throw me off, where else have I been trying to be “perfect”?  Where else have I not taken chances because I didn’t want to face messing up?  One thing came to mind.

My Mary Kay business, I have spent too many years worrying about what people would think or say.  Chances and financial opportunities have been missed.  All because I was too concerned that I would fail and look bad.  The sad thing is if I really did go for my dreams and miss, no one would notice.   Or if they did, it wouldn’t be remembered for long.

Actually, two years ago I did stretch and go for my dream of becoming a Mary Kay Sales Director.  I didn’t make it.  I actually went for it three times in six months.  I failed every time.  I said I wasn’t upset about it.  I put on the happy “it doesn’t matter” face.  But it did matter.  I was embarrassed and a bit ashamed.  The feeling was very similar to receiving the ticket.

It is interesting that none of my friends remember that I went for it three times.  They remember one time.  They never think anything of it.  Do you want to know why?  Because they are too busy looking at their own mistakes and errors.  They are looking at where they fell short.  We are all too busy watching ourselves to remember where others missed.

Things are changing.  I am going after my dreams.  If I fail or fall short, I will get back up again.  Only those who don’t pursue their dreams will comment on any of my misses.  Those that have taken a risk will admire me for getting up and going for it again.  The “public” shaming that I imagine is just that my imagination.  I’m going for it!  Who wants to go with me?

And who wants to go with me to court in October?  I’ve decided to go to court to see if I can use my long history of “perfection” to my advantage.  If not, I will pay the ticket, accept my consequences and drive slowly home.  I will let my brother know that as of now he is winning the no moving violation game.  But the game isn’t over, yet!

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